Spring Feverish

Remember that old weather proverb we learned in elementary school? How the month of March always “comes in like a lion but goes out like a lamb”?

Given the state of the world right now, March seems to be coming in like a coked-up Tasmanian devil trying to fight its way out of Marge Simpson’s hair. Who knows how it will go out. Probably teetering home at six in the morning, still half-drunk and wondering where it left its underwear.

Spring hath indeed sprung, and brought with it, well, summer and fall. As the jet stream plays havoc with weather systems around the country, we’ve bounced through at least three, maybe all four, seasons in the span of just a few weeks. Currently, the Santa Clara River Valley is looking at 80- to 90-degree heat, nearly 30 degrees hotter than normal for this time of year. Too, the Santa Ana winds refuse to fuck off already and insist on blowing dust, pollen, and mold in from the deserts. Don’t be surprised if the OTC allergy aisle at your local pharmacy looks post-apocalyptically bare.

A few people we know, myself included, are now fighting some strange allergy-cold hybrid. Feeling like crap may have started with a snootful of dust in the middle of the Santa Ana winds, but now you’re stocking up on cold remedies and drowning your lungs in hot tea. In the middle of a heatwave.

Fun.

And in my case, I can’t have it progressing to anything worse. I need to clear this fast.

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Pre-Op, Meet Pre-Anxious

The reason? I’m due to have back surgery in early April and need to be healthy. A respiratory infection would mean having to reschedule, and I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I’ve been dealing with this problem for two years+ now, but finally, this uniquely degenerate lumbar disc is due to be yanked and replaced with an artificial one.

That’s right, this kid is going all Bionic Woman / Terminator.

Okay, maybe not.

But it is weird to think that a part of me will not be wholly organic, locally sourced, biodynamic... The artificial disc is incredibly durable — able to last up to 30 years — and the surgery is meant to maintain the joint flexibility and range of motion that traditional spinal fusion typically sacrifices.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t low-key terrified. I’ve undergone other surgeries, but never a spinal surgery. And this one brings with it even more weirdness: to access the spine, the surgeons go through your abdomen. A vascular surgeon works with the neurosurgeon to navigate the viscera and make sure nothing gets nicked that shouldn’t be. This technique helps the surgeons avoid the fragile nerves and vasculature along the spinal column. And it’s still considered “minimally invasive.”

But if I wake up with my spleen lodged near my heart, I’ll know who to blame.

Breaking Spring

As millions of university students prepare for spring break, I can’t help but fantasize about the kind of road trip Dale and I would normally be taking this time of year. I catch myself daydreaming about the road, discovering those charming wide spots that often go overlooked. Wine and beer tastings. And of course, family and friends.

But with gas and oil prices skyrocketing, I doubt we would even be able to take such a trip. I miss the good ol’ days, when a self-proclaimed hobbit could embark upon an epic quest without having to pay $5.00/gallon (or more) at the gas pump.

I wonder how many folks are having to pare back or cancel their plans.

A Bulwark of Comfort Against the Chaos

My presence on social media is fairly limited these days. I post occasionally, scroll often. I follow the news but don’t discuss it. And somehow, I’ve managed to turn my feeds into my own version of Animal Planet.

If there are puppies, kitties, or other critters to “ooh” and “ah” over, I’m there. I check in with Punch-kun, the baby Japanese macaque who was rejected by his mother and now clings to a stuffed orangutan like the primate answer to Linus van Pelt and his blanket. It’s easy to see something of our own humanity in his daily struggles to fit in, to find comfort and acceptance where he can. Trust me, little guy, I think we’re all looking for our own (metaphorical) stuffie to carry with us through these times.

There are also (river) otters. Lots of them. “In Otter News” maintains feeds here on Substack, as well as on Instagram, Facebook, Threads, and Bluesky. Written with a very British tongue in cheek, it details the daily shenanigans of a (real-life) otter, Steve, who is portrayed in photos and sketches working out how to get down the pub, or causing problems in the office (sketchbook Steve wears neckties and carries a briefcase), or puzzling through life’s little quirks. The series is so popular, it was even name-checked by Mark Hamill during a guest appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

It’s occurred to me that I’m doing online what I once did in real life. When I was a little girl, I would surround myself with my stuffies, lining them up around my bed before I went to sleep. (My mother would joke that there were so many stuffed animals, it was a wonder there was enough room for ME.) I was essentially building a wall of comfort between myself and the monsters that might otherwise get me. And the world was lousy with monsters back then.

I’m not sure the world is much different now.

Springing Forward

Normally, the advent of Daylight Saving Time would have me gnashing my teeth. And don’t get me wrong — still not fond. Not only does it rob us of an hour of sleep, throw off our circadian rhythms, cause drowsy drivers to have more accidents, and deny us the morning light necessary to cue us to wake up, it makes me feel as though I’m constantly racing to catch up to the day. What should be celebrated as a season of rebirth and renewal gets shoved along like an unruly passenger in a TSA checkpoint.

That said, I’m more sanguine than usual. The faster the days go, the faster my surgery will have come and gone, the faster I can start healing, and maybe (just maybe) the faster we can get through this dystopian nightmare.

Peace and safe travels, everyone.

The 805 Diary will be going on hiatus starting April 1 and will return sometime in late April — whenever I’ve been weaned off the heavy pain meds.